youth ministry | basics

It is with mixed emotions that I inform you that I am resigning from my position as Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministries for Simpsonwood United Methodist Church.

Those were the words I wrote about one year ago today.  At this time last year, I was in a tough place and had convinced myself that I was no longer called or cut out for youth ministry.  I had faced the trials and persecution and had seen enough of the dirty underbelly of church politics.  I had already started to tell my friends.  I was in the process of lining up my next career as a salesman and even went so far as to purchase a P.O. Box for business purposes (by the way, it was non-refundable).

However, one year ago yesterday, I returned home from a youth retreat.  It was the worst ending to a retreat I have ever experienced.  On our way out of the camp parking lot, we noticed a flat tire.  We had to stop at a restaurant so that I could try to fix the tire.  However the church van had no jack and we had to call parents to come pick kids up and I stayed with the bus while the tire was replaced and I finally made it home 4 hours later.  But despite all of that, the retreat was one of the best weekends in my ministry career because it was a reaffirmation of my calling to youth ministry.  The worship, the speaker, the conversations I had with youth and other leaders all led me to a renewed understanding of what God was using me for.  But it was only getting better.

When I returned home, God was still doing some amazing things.  I started to see youth ministry in a new light and I began to see new ways God was calling me to minister.  I felt a tug in the direction of training new youth ministers.  I was convicted to FINALLY apply for seminary and began taking classes.  Not only did I pass on passing on youth ministry, but I decided it was time to start swimming in some deeper waters.

To tell you that I don’t regret for one moment the decision to stay with youth ministry would not be completely truthful.  It’s still church work and I still go to meetings and have all of the frustrations from before.  But I have them with a renewed purpose.  There is an old cliche that says, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”  My ministry, both personal and corporate, was not killed, but made stronger.  I know that God is with me and that He will never leave me.  I know that the tough times will come and go, but so do the joyous times.  I love the youth I work with (even the troublesome ones).  I love the parents in our church (even the troublesome ones).  I love our volunteers  and the people I work with(even the troublesome ones).  But most of all, I love God for allowing me to grow in my faith through these tough times and giving me the strength to persevere.  And I thank all of those who have helped me along the way, especially when I was the troublesome one.

Did you ever wonder why there were not more parables and stories of Jesus dealing with his committees?  How come the Holy One never had to address the disciples’ parents and explain his ministry to them?  Why is it that the Alpha and Omega never had to submit his 3 year plan along with a budget report and explanation of new accounts?  Have you ever thought youth ministry would be easier without boards, budgets and parents?  I know the thoughts have crossed my mind in the last few weeks.

But every night when I come home, I am greeted by the cutest reminder of dealing with life’s difficulties.  My daughter is a couple of months shy of two and she is on the verge of having life figured out (in her own head of course; she does not have to report to a committee yet).  One of the most amazing gifts that God has given her is the gift of teaching me life lessons through her daily experiences.

Just the other day, she was convinced that her destiny was to continue playing with her toys while wearing a dirty diaper.  When I asked her if she wanted to “change her pants”, I was given a quick “no” (her new favorite word).  However, despite her requests, I picked her up and carried her on to her room where she proceeded to kick me and scream at the top of her lungs.  It seemed there was no way she was going to cooperate with me.

Now I knew the best plan of action was changing that diaper.  It was better for her and it was better for everyone else in the house.  My dilemna was that I had to find a way to convince her this was the best plan.  I quickly picked her up and held her close until she was able to calm down.  After she had calmed down, I let her pick out her diaper and then she calmly allowed me to remove the dirty one so I could replace it with the one she had selected.

I could not miss the obvious lesson in this situation.  Earlier that day, I had one of the more brutal meetings I had ever been a part of where a couple of parents were upset with decisions our staff had made.  And even though we had prayed about these decisions and felt it was the right plan of action, we were searching for ways to convince them.  Here is the wisdom I gleaned from my daughter that afternoon:

The Most Satisfying Idea Is Not Always The Right Plan

Although she was perfectly comfortable in her old diaper, it needed to be replaced.  So many times, we cave into comfort and convenience.  We shy away from making bold decisions that will allow for us to minister to teenagers more effectively because we think our parents or volunteers will not agree with us.  Even worse, we avoid the right direction because we are seeking the popular choice of our teenagers.  We must be willing to discern the right plan of action.  We do this by spending time in prayer and in communion with God and then seeking the advice of those we respect.

We Need More Sensitivity and Less Shouting

One of the reasons we become so frustrated is because we feel that we are always having to defend our actions.  When dealing with an angry parent, allow them to be angry and try to soothe their pain.  Many times, they will not even acknowledge you are talking with them until they are able to calm down themselves.  Remember that ministry is relational and it is our job to preserve and protect that relationship.

Sacrifice Your Ego and Let Them Take the Credit

Even if you knew it was the right idea, you may have to step aside until they are able to come to that conclusion for themselves.  You can listen and guide them through prayer and discussion, but you may have to be willing to let go of the glory in order to seek the prize.  In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the mother of the family refers to her husband as “the head of the family, but I am the neck.”   Point them in the right direction and let them think it was their idea.

And here is the best part of both worlds: tomorrow when I wake up, I know that I will have some of the same struggles and frustrations (along with some new ones).  But I will also see my baby take another step towards development.